Advertise Your Business Or Website At HomewithGod.com

Can't Hear The Music? Download Windows Media Player. It's Free!

Cardinals

A Letter To My Mom and Dad

Song Playing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Judy Garland

Dear Mom and Dad:

Just had to write to let you know I am thinking about you not only today, but so very often. Actually, almost everyday. I miss you both so much!

I know that you both are safe with God, especially since the deal with the redbirds. You remember Dad; after you died you came to visit us all the time as a redbird. I didn't know it was you at the time, but then one day after Mom died, I came home from work, and both of you were on the telephone line. You were just singing away, and when I looked up and saw male and female, I knew it was you two, and that you both had come to let us know that you and Mom were safe, and together once again.              

                                                                               You know Dad; you were so sick with cancer, and yet you somehow found the strength to stay alive and somewhat alert for your last Christmas, twenty three years ago, in 1979. You had a gift for each one of your grandchildren, and that was a new Susan B. Anthony silver dollar. I remember it so well. You had been in the hospice for about five months, and you were sinking fast, but that last Christmas Eve, we celebrated in the hospice with you, and you were determined to sit up, and you did, and gave each child their special gift from you, their last material gift.

They ranged in age from 8-14, and they have never forgotten their time with you, the things you and Mom taught them, and the legacy of pride and hard work that you two left with them, and us, your children. How to have plenty of faith, guts, be brave, and not to be a quitter, to give your all to what ever you do, and love and stick by your family!

Mom, I remember, you stayed right with Dad at the hospice for a lot of  the time he was there. You slept there too, they gave you your own room, and the rest of us came constantly, not only to see Dad, but to support you also. That must have been a very difficult time for you, watching your husband  of 45 years, virtually waste away, and there was nothing you could do but be with him. 

I am very proud of you Mom, of both of you, for the courage and strength you had. You two have left us all something that can never be taken away. I just hope I am that brave when my time is at hand.

Dad, after Christmas eve, you never sat up again! What strength it must have taken to do what you did on Christmas Eve. They told us you didn't have long to live, that we should expect it almost anytime. In fact on Christmas Day, while we were at my house, we got a call from the hospital saying that they thought it was your time, but still you hung on.

After that day I remember you were kind of out of it, I don't know if it  was it the medication or what. I would sit on your bed, and you would say " I am going to fly way up in the sky, I am going to take a trip, I am going to fly".... and I knew that you were ready to leave us and meet your maker. I said to you, "yes Dad, you are going to take the biggest trip of your life pretty soon" and that's one of the reasons why the redbirds mean so much to me. I know, I just know....they are you and Mom....watching over us...still.

Well, you made it until                                    

January 6th, 1980.

A day none of us will ever forget! We got called to the hospital in the afternoon that day. You were in a coma by then, hadn't opened your eyes, or even mumbled for many days. I remember I got there first, and there you were Mom, keeping your vigil at Dad's side...watching....waiting....dreading.... what you knew was coming. On one hand, hopeful that Dad's suffering would be over soon, and on the other hand missing him so much already. I went over to your bed, Dad, and took your hand and said "Hi Dad, it's Bunny, I am here," and you squeezed my hand so I knew that you heard me. Shortly after, Billy and his family came, and he went over to your bed and said "Hi Dad, it's me, we are here too," you squeezed his hand also.

We all sat there watching and waiting, anticipating the final act, and still you hung on. Finally after quite a while, Billy took his family down to the cafeteria to eat. I stayed with you, Mom, and the nurse brought you a tray of food. Billy was supposed to bring me something back. Well we were sitting there watching you Dad, watching you breathe, watching your chest go up and down, when finally I looked away for a minute....and when I looked back....your chest wasn't moving anymore. I think you waited to die until your young grandchildren were out of the room. Anyway, I remember, I said to you Mom, " he is not breathing," and you said "sure he is," and I jumped up and went over to you Dad....and I was right, you had quit breathing! I pushed your buzzer, and when the nurse answered, I said, "it's my Dad....he's not breathing!" As they came rushing in your room, I heard wings fluttering, moving the air, sounding like birds in flight....and I knew you were on that last flight, the biggest trip you ever took. That's another reason why the birds mean so much to me.

Then, you Mom, after a while, after some of  your pain and sorrow subsided from losing Dad, even with all your surgeries and physical pain, you managed to go on, and do all that you could do for us, and with us, your children and grandchildren. You had so many physical problems, and so much pain, I don't know how you ever managed. You spent all the time you could with us, and would have spent more if we had let you, and you did have some good times. You even went on a Love Boat cruise with your best friend Rainy. You usually tried so hard to be cheerful.

As time went by, you had to give up your home, and your dog, and move into an apartment, and then after some more years, your car had to go, because you weren't a good driver anymore. What pain that all must have been to you, to lose so much of what was good and familiar to you! I didn't really understand it as clear then, but many years have passed, and I am older, and it's funny what life teaches you as time goes by.

You did pretty good for awhile, but had to depend on us, or someone to do a lot of things for you, and I know that was hard on you too, because you were a very independent person. We came when we could, and did what we did, and I know now, that I could have, and should have done more for you, and with you. I am really sorry for that!

You had one final surgery, and it was just too much, you were too weak to be at home anymore, and we tried for awhile, at our house, to keep you with us, but it was too much. We worked, and although we had a person that came in every day to do the things you needed to have done, you were practically bed-ridden and required almost total care. I would get you ready for bed at night, undressing you, giving you your meds, hugging you like one hugs a child, and we would all go to bed. A few hours later, you would call "Bunny, Bunny," "I'd  say what Mom?" and you would have to go to the bathroom, so we would get up and get you on the pot, and then get you all settled down again, and finally fall back to sleep, and then in a few hours it would happen again. Oh, it wasn't your fault, you couldn't help it, but it was hard, being woke up so much and having to work too. So, after a while of that, we sent you back home, to try, with help from others, to remain at home, and then you got worse and your Doctor said that you had to go into a nursing home.

That was a certain amount of relief for us, but also a deep sorrow, for we were not able to give you the help and care that you so desperately needed. It is a difficult choice as you well know. We loved you so much, and we were so tired of seeing you in such pain and agony. Maybe, we all thought, around the clock care would help you, but we were all just fooling ourselves, you really went there, to a safe place to die. You had been longing to go be with Dad for a long time, and who could blame you, you had so much wrong with you.

You lasted there for about two years, and then back to the hospital, your final visit. Your Doctor told us that you would be leaving us this time, that the struggle was almost over....that you wouldn't pull through this time like you had so many times in the past. I remember the Friday night before you died, almost all of your family came to say "goodbye" to you. Oh, how difficult that was for us, and I think for you too. We all knew you would be better off, but it still was a hard thing. One by one, we came into your room, "goodbye Grandma, goodbye Mom"....you had so much courage, you never broke down, you were so brave. Aunt Lucy thinks that when people are dying, God helps them wrap themselves into a cocoon to keep things from affecting them so much.

You made it for two more days. Billy and I would come to be with you, and you would say "go home, take your brother with you, I don't want you to sit around my deathbed the way you did your Dad." So we would leave and then come back again.

The last time I saw you was that Sunday morning. You were lying there, so tiny, so heartbreakingly in agony. Someone...God........made me take your hand, and I said the Twenty-Third Psalm to you. I wanted you to know that it was ok, that we knew it was time for you to go, and we knew you were ready to leave us. You squeezed my hand, and then fell asleep for awhile. A little later Billy came, and you woke up, and we listened to you struggle for each breath even though you were on oxygen, and after awhile Billy had to leave to go to work. I stayed for a short while longer, and could tell you wanted to sleep, so I left also, planning to come back later. I said goodbye to you, and told you I loved you, and you said the same to me. I said "I'll see you later Mom" and you said "ok." I left and went home, and later that afternoon I returned, but you were sleeping. I waited awhile, not wanting to wake you on one hand, but hoping you would on the other hand. I finally left, never to see you alive again. You died during the night, with none of us around you as you had asked. I know now, that you were trying to spare us, your children, whom you loved so much. Still a Mother, trying to protect!

                                            That was eleven years ago, and I miss you so much. I am happy that both you and Dad are at peace, and the struggle is over, but I miss you, we all do! So now we depend on the redbirds to come and visit....and when they do, we know it is the two of you....safe....happy....sound, with new bodies....no pain....no sorrow....still here....watching over us.

                                  Mom.....Dad   

I know you already know, but I gotta tell you anyway, you guys would be so proud! Your grandsons have turned out to be just wonderful young men!! Honest...hardworking and dedicated to their work and dreams... giving it their all... proud of where they came from...full of courage and strength, and definitely not quitters. They certainly uphold the family name, and they along with their wives, so far, have produced 5 beautiful children. I am so proud to call them "my family."

dedicated to my parents....by Bunny 

© 1-6-2000..........updated 5-6-2005

This is the poem that you two gave to the hospice just before Dad died. I don't know who wrote it, but you found it Mom, on the wall in the hospice family room.

Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. 

I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken                                        

                     in the mornings hush,                                 

I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars                                                    

                     that shine at night.                                            

Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die.

I send out a daily mailing called "Bunny's Words." 
These mailings mainly consist of Christian stories, and other items 
of interest, with a bit of humor once in awhile. 
This is material that I receive from others, or find along the way, 
and feel I want to pass on. 
Sometimes I will include graphics & lovely links, 
but basically, what you get is the Word! 
If you are interested in a spiritual uplift, please join us. 

Click here to join or cancel Bunny's Words
Please specify if you are joining or canceling.

Or you can subscribe yourself below

click this button    to donate a free mammogram.

To email me at any time     

These pages are looped together, so if you click on the "Next Page" each time, it will take you right through them. If at any time you want to get back here...... just click on or visit one of my other websites......See below

                   Next:                      Carl's Garden

Welcome To Bunny's Place

The Best Of Words

Bunny's Nook

Holiday's

Bunny's Library

 Links & Awards

	The Christians with Chronic Illness/Pain Site Ring
	This site is owned and maintained by Bunny

Disclaimers