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 My Mission 

Song Playing: "Amazing Grace" by Nakai

Oh Lord, please renew me in mind, body, and spirit, that I may be fit to do your will. I ask this in the name of

 Our Lord Jesus Christ

Amen

6-6-2000

The following four emails were sent to me last week. They are from people I have never met, who happened upon my website one way or another. I take no credit for what these three people have written. I am leaving out their email addresses and some other personal information for the sake of their privacy, and I have made a some spelling corrections, otherwise their words are their own.

Date: 5-30-00 

Hi Bunny

I loved your web page--other's are sometimes so confusing. Your story reminded me of what I'm going through right now. Like I told you, I also have Raynaud's. I was diagnosed with it at the age of 17. Also at the same time I was diagnosed with having a Acoustic Neuroma brain tumor. It was not cancerous. This was all back in 1989. 

Anyways-just recently, my right hand has become numb-I also have joint contractures too. My hand specialist opted for surgery. I had carpal tunnel and elbow surgery. Now it feels like I have ice on my hand at all times. The numbness is still there too. I'm really curious about scleroderma. I've done a lot of reading about it. 

I have seen more than nine docs. Most of them just walk out of the room, or they want to perform more surgery on me. I am afraid that the longer it takes to diagnose, the more I will lose.

I work, I drive, I am pretty normal, I live a normal life, but there are a lot of questions I still have.

1- Does your hand feel tight when you straighten it out?

2- I do not know what Scleroderma looks like, but I have read a lot about joint contractures. My right hand looks like it is permanently holding a baseball. That started to happen when I was 10. I know these are sometimes personal questions, and I am sorry to ask you such personal questions.

There is a lot more. When I mentioned Scleroderma to my doc-he looked somewhat surprised. He had no clue what it was. I'll be seeing a Neuro doc next month. Thanks for spending a little time reading this email. Any advice would be wonderful.

Thank you,

Kim

Date: 5-31-00

Hi Bunny -

Thanks for responding to my e-mail letter.
I'm 28 years old like I told you in my last e-mail letter, I was diagnosed with having an 3cm Acoustic Neuronal brain tumor back in 1989.
I had surgery shortly after I found out about the tumor. The tumor was located between my facial nerve on down to the brainstem. As a result of the tumor, I lost all my hearing on the left side. I live a really normal life. I pushed myself pretty hard to get back to a normal life. Before I was diagnosed with the tumor, or actually before, I lost my hearing on my left side. I used to play the viola, violin, and cello. I started to play at the age of 10, and at 17 , I had to give it up--the ringing in my ear was so loud that I could no long hear any of the notes-
I started to have joint contractures at the age of 10--I never thought that my hands were any different than other's hands--I thought that they were normal.
Until the age of 13, I felt like I was 80 years old, I could not even move my hands. I went to the doctor, he told me to go home and soak them in warm water and wear a splint. Also at that age I started to get --brain tumor headaches--10 times worst then migraines-

now--
I work in a retail store.
I've worked there for 10 years-why?
Great benefits, medical, dental, 401k-
Plus, I'm comfortable. I love working around people, and my co-workers know of my health condition--I never have a hard time get that day off for an doctor appointment.
I'm a team leader. I have one of the biggest departments in the store.
I just got off of work, it's right now 7:30am and I'm so sleepy--I'm doing inventory for our store--10:00pm to 6:30am-I had to stay a little late today.
Later on I will tell you more--I really need some sleep--I can hardly see the keyboard.
But I had to write you,
Thanks again for your e-mail letter.

Take Care.

Kim 

Date: 5:31-00

Bunny-

I looked at your site and it is beautiful. My sister, Janene, has Lupus - both kinds internal and external. The lupus has attacked her nose and she battles with the debilitating pain and agony every day. I want you to know that I think you might be an inspiration to her (and maybe she'll be an inspiration to you too) and I'm going to make sure she sees your site. She is a Christian and a neat person. She feels so alone and is so tired of the disease. Please know that I'll be praying for you both. She'd love hearing from you. God Bless you for your generosity and willingness to share your life with others. 

Renee

Date: 6-2-00

Hi Bunny, my name is Michele and I also have Scleroderma. I was diagnosed about 7 years ago with a form of rheumatoid arthritis and then with Scleroderma about a year ago. I know exactly how you feel.
I am still working pretty much against my Rheumatologists  advice, but I refuse to give up my work as of now. I am employed with the federal government for the census bureau as a data entry clerk. Although keying does not really hurt me, I have missed quite a bit of work. I have been there for almost 3 years this time, and just moved into a department in January that is really concerned about my welfare in the job place, and have been very supportive. I did not have a very understanding supervisor before and had considered filing a lawsuit against her for discrimination and then God smiled down on me and I was able to transfer to where I am now.
I have Scleroderma with what my doc calls overlap syndrome. I have very bad recurrent migraines and I had to have a complete hysterectomy when I was 25. They have only now told me that the Scleroderma  was probably the reason for all of my female problems.
I also have a condition called lichen sclerosis and Morphea, which is a visible condition, it is on my neck and back.
I have a very limited grip with my hands and my right wrist does not have any flexibility at all.
I am currently taking Methodrexate and folic acid to help with the side effects of the Methotrexate. I do not tolerate medicines very well so it has been a real challenge to find something I can take and still function to a degree.
I am only 36 years old and feel pretty isolated. Other people do not understand that I am as sick as I am because I do not look unhealthy, and it really does get to me sometimes having to explain that I will not be able do things because I just don't have the energy to do so.
I was married for 10 years and have been divorced for 5. I have no children of my own but did raise my stepchildren. A lot of our problem was that I was always sick and he did not understand how I felt.
Anyway I would really like talking to you about all of this, so if you want you can e-mail me and let me know,
Thanks and GOD Bless, 
Michele

I received this in my mail today. It's called "God's Holding Patterns." Please read it, and then, what follows is the email I sent to Pastor Warren. 

God's Holding Patterns by Pastor Cornelius F. Warren

Many times God will allow us a painful situation or a painful circumstance in our life to "swallow us up." This season in our spiritual growth is a holding pattern. We can't move to the left or to the right. All we can do is sit, like Jonah sat in the belly of that great fish, so God can have our undivided attention and speak to us.

God put Jonah in a holding pattern because He needed to speak to his heart. Jonah was alone. There were no friends to call; no colleagues to drop by, no books to read; no food to eat, no interference, and no interruptions. He had plenty of time to sit, meditate, and pray.

When we are deep down in the midst of a difficult situation, God can talk to us. When He has our undivided attention, He can show us things about ourselves that we might not have otherwise seen.

A few of God's Holding Patterns

        1. When you get sick in your physical body and you have prayed but God has not healed you yet, you are in a holding pattern.

        2. When you are having problems with your children and you have put them on the altar but God has not delivered them yet, you are in a holding pattern.

        3. When you have been praying for the salvation of a loved one and they have not been saved yet, you are in a holding pattern.

        4. When you are in a broken relationship and you have given it over to God but it has not been restored yet, you are in a holding pattern.

        5. When the doors slam shut before you can knock on them, you are in a holding pattern.

When we are deep in the belly of a difficult situation, there are no interruptions. Hence, God has our undivided attention. All we can do is sit, meditate, and pray.

We cannot run from God, because there are no mountains that are high enough, valleys that are low enough, rivers that are wide enough, rooms that are dark enough, or secret places that are hidden enough from Him.

We must remember to praise Him while we're waiting and remember three things:

        1. The pattern has a purpose.

        2. The pattern has a plan.

        3. The pattern has a process.

So stop struggling and start listening, praying, and trusting. He'll keep you right where you are until you can hear Him clearly say, "I love you."

Prayer:

Father, heal my unbelief. I know you love me and will turn everything around to benefit me. You have nothing planned for me but victories, and I am ready to receive them regardless of how difficult the path. Amen.

My email to Pastor Warren.

Dear Pastor:
I received your writings in my mail today and this is right where I am at this time. This helps me to understand my situation. 

I have been sick for a long time, and things don't seem to improve very much. I pray, and my friends and family pray, and my online friends pray for me also.
Even though I have to deal with my illnesses, I felt like I was being called to help others as much as I could, with spreading the word of God, and also helping as much as I could in anyway I could. I have been very blessed by this, as more and more people keep finding my website, and I am able to listen to them, and give some words of comfort and consolation. The above are the four letters I received in the last couple of days.
All I can say is that God does work, just give Him time.

Bless you!!

I have written back to these three people, and where possible sent them links that would help them in their quest for information. I have tried to speak with words of understanding and comfort.

6-5-00

Last night, during the night, I woke up, and I believe, no, I now know, that I had a visit from the Holy Spirit. I don't know any other way to explain what I am going to tell you.

My attention immediately, was drawn to the emails I had received last week, and I was told that I should create a web page using these emails, and my email letter to Pastor Warren. I was told what to name the page, "My Mission", and even though I was pretty startled and sort of amazed by what was happening, I got out of bed and wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it. Then I got back into bed, and I was laying there, contemplating......going over the episode with a joyful heart, and the next message came, and that was the prayer that is directly under the title of this page. I went over it in my mind several times, thinking I can remember this, and then I thought I better get up and write it down, which I did.

So again, I was laying there, full of joy and happiness.....feeling so blessed.....thanking GOD for this wonderful thing that was happening to me.....a confirmation so to say, that what I was attempting to do was right. What I had felt was my mission was approved, and in a big way. 

Then, after a while, I turned my radio on. It is always set to station WVCY, 107.7FM, and the program in progress was about how God works through the Holy Spirit. How you can wonder and wonder what you are supposed to do.....how you can pray and pray without an answer, and all of a sudden it is there.....clear..... concise.  I had waited and waited and finally He told me what to do. God is not hiding, He wants to give us His will. It pulls like a magnet. The speaker said "don't put it off when you are told what to do. Just let it happen, and be convinced, yourself, that you can do this". 

Now, I do truly believe that this is God's plan for me. So I say, "God, if you say so, I am willing". With all my heart and soul, I want to do this.

Well, I tell you, I had a hard time not getting up and turning the computer on and starting to do this page, but as I said, I am, and have been very sick, and really need as much rest as I can get. I knew I would have the right information because I had written it down, so I rolled over, and went to sleep, and slept like a baby.....safe.....secure.....knowing.....without a doubt.....that I have truly been blessed.

And so, I share this with all of you. Sick.....well..... whatever your situation, please know..... that this has truly been a experience I will never forget.

I want to thank those of you whose emails I have pasted on this page, and please remember that I am here for you, and anyone else, however I can help, in any way. 

© 6-6-2000 by Bunny

Psalms 51: 10-12

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Thy Salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 

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