Marianne's Testimony and experiences, and the subject of abortion.
The Lord Jesus has placed it in my heart that I should write about my experience with abortion, first of all my own experience and also my thoughts on the subject, so as to hopefully inspire woman all over the world, and to convince everyone of the holiness and sanctity of life, life from the very beginning. Life given and created by God.
More then 23 years ago, I had a baby daughter, she was about 3 months old when I discovered I was pregnant again.
This came as a big shock to me, because first of all, I already had such a life changing experience of being a mother for the first time, and all that comes with it, and second, the relationship I had with the father of my daughter was at best not very good at all.
So when I learned that I was pregnant, all I thought about was to get rid of it as fast as I could. The father of the child wasn’t really interested at all, and so the decision was totally left up to me. I had no family to support me, or any faith to fall back on, so the decision was made easily.
I didn’t feel anything in particular after it was over, and for years after that I hardly ever thought about what I had done… 5 years after the birth of my first child I had another daughter, so luckily the procedure had not damaged me physically.
Years went by, they weren’t happy ones, the father of my children and me split up after my second child was born, and we had mutual custody over the children.
It was 1994, I was tired of my life, and tired of everything I had been doing, tired of the emptiness, the loneliness.
I started to think about God again, this was a slow process, but I remembered I still had a bible in the house somewhere, plus all the religious magazines that my mother had so fatefully send me over the years but that I never bothered to read, but also never threw away, they were there somewhere in a closet stacked up and forgotten.
I got out the bible and sat on the sofa and started reading a little, as I was reading a strange feeling came over me, like someone was watching me, I looked over to the right of me and to my shock and amazement I saw for just a few seconds a huge Angel suspended in the air, light was shining where his face should be, and I never saw his face and by that time he was gone.
I thought I was imagining, I thought many things, but at the same time, this incredible feeling of peace came over me, like I had never felt before in my entire life.
A day or two later, I was thinking that maybe I should pray or something, I was thinking very hard to remember the words that I had known when I was younger, the words of the "Our Father".
I started saying them, but as I said them, something happened, the room filled with a very oppressive force, I could feel it all around me. I tried very hard to say the words of the "Our Father", but every time I progressed the oppressiveness became stronger and stronger, until at last I felt like I was being strangled. This scared me very much, because I knew, even though I couldn't see them, I knew that the room was filled with evil spirits. Still in my fear I struggled to continue with the prayer, and the more I prayed I felt the oppressiveness leaving slowly slowly and could speak normally again.
All was quiet now, peaceful, I felt at peace no longer afraid.
Then some time later, I was praying in front of the Divine Mercy Picture, and then…
I don't know how to describe it, something happened I was not prepared for at all, something so earth shaking, that it left me shivering like a leaf, crying like a baby, lamenting when I did not even know what the word lamenting meant.
God, in His incredible Mercy, showed me, as if I was watching a movie about myself, God showed me visibly, all the sins of my life in pictures, like a movie, leaving not one thing out, things I had long forgotten, things I have tried to forget, things I had pushed to the back of my mind many many years.
Sins like aborting my baby… In this film that Our Lord showed me, I also saw the baby I had aborted at 8 weeks. I was horrified, and sad, and for the first time I deeply felt inside what I had done, I had killed my own child, and realizing this for the first time was like feeling many knives in my heart and in my soul.
How could God ever forgive me for this, how could my baby ever forgive His mother for doing such a horrible thing?
I also saw many other things, all the things I had done that had offended God and others!
But the impressions may have been gone, but what was left of me was clearly visible to me. Tears, tears and more tears, I could not stop crying for weeks on end, every time I saw these pictures in my mind of what God has shown me about myself, I broke down again into tears, when I thought about my aborted baby, I begged my baby to forgive his mother for doing something so horrible, and whether I was at home, or at work, or alone, or with my children or others, I could not stop crying. I was totally broken, broken to many little pieces, wailing on the floor, begging God for mercy!
Every time I looked at a picture or an image of Our Lord I broke down and cried, especially when I looked at Jesus at the Cross, I knew then how much He had suffered there, just for me...
Tears are the healing medicine of God, after the weeks of crying, I felt like I was a new person, no longer empty, no longer lonely.
I had not seen a priest in about 23 years, I knew no Priest whatsoever in Israel.
I had the greatest need to go to confession, but I had to wait a few more months before I would travel to Holland again to visit my family, I knew my mother would help me get to a Priest.
When I finally did get to see a priest I said my first confession after so long. I had my daughters baptized in the Catholic Church, even though they were already 9 and 14 respectively, and even though they knew not much about Christianity, since they had never learned from me before.
I had become a changed person, I could finally be the mother I needed to be for my daughters, people that knew me commented on how I had changed, all I wanted was to learn anew about this amazing God! I read all the magazines my mother had send me over the years, everything I could get my hands on.
I am never lonely or empty anymore, I know God loves me, I know God exists, I know God is merciful, incredible, amazing, and I know God will always forgive me, no matter what I have done, if I come to Him with sorrow and a contrite heart, I know HE IS!
Marianne.
Our aim with this true experience is to encourage the prevention of abortion, and to teach everyone on the sanctity of God given Life.
If you have a story you would like to share and publish with us, on Pro-Life, Anti-abortion, or a personal experience, please write us an email.
The more babies saved the better!
"Typed by:
Marianne, Sacred Heart Organization Israel.
@Copy right Marianne & Sue".
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