Forgive and Forget

            “For if you forgive men their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”  Matthew 6:14 It’s easier to forgive when you remember what it is to be forgiven.  When God showed me that I was a sinner in need of a savior, there was no condemnation.   God sought me out, just as I was and showed His great love to me.  When I received the salvation He offered, He forgave me and forgot what I had done.  What a wonderful thing that my sin is remembered no more!  And, how blessed I was when I discovered the secret of forgetting the sins committed against me.

            God’s injunctions for human relationships are for the good of all parties concerned.   Unforgiveness can make us ill and lock our enemies into the behavior that we dislike about them.  Victims regain power over their lives when they forgive.  When a college student was stabbed by a classmate he had befriended, his doctor later commented that it was forgiveness that had saved his life.  The young man asked him how he knew that.  The doctor replied that he had lost so much blood that if he’d felt anger at his attacker it would have pumped the last of the blood from his body.  People looking at our lives know that only God can enable us to forgive the horrendous deeds done to us.  We all want to have a testimony.  How much are you willing to pay for yours?

            Did you know that if someone feels you’ve done him an injustice, you have?   God taught me this when a friend had become offended with the things I shared about my adventures serving God on the streets in Los Angeles’ skid row.  In anger Byron had said I should just wear a sign on my back that said “Super Christian”.  At the time I’d felt I had done well not to respond back in anger but God showed me there was more I needed to do.

            When I entered the room where I was to speak at a lay witness mission, I was dismayed to see Byron’s six-foot five muscular frame sitting center front.  Why had he come, I wondered.  Big as he was, there was no way I could ignore him.

            I took a seat in the back of the room.   As I waited my turn to speak, the Lord reminded me that I had not asked Byron to forgive me that I had upset him.  I knew the reference God was making.  “So if, when you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has any grievance against you, leave your gift at the altar and go; first make peace with your brother, and then come back and present your gift.”  Matthew 5:23-24.

            I was there to minister to these people, not entertain them.  This reminder from God made me realize that His anointing would not be on what I said, if I didn’t make things right with Byron.  I was next to speak.  That meant that the only way I could apologize to him was to do it publicly.  It would be necessary for me to be a “fool for Christ’s sake”.  That is what I choose to do.  Stepping behind the podium, I began by saying that there was something I had to do before I presented my message.  Looking down at my wounded friend, arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face, I said, “Byron, please forgive for what ever I’ve done to upset you.”  He and the audience were both taken by surprise.  After a moment Byron rose and gave me a hug, saying he forgave me.  All this left the audience wondering what in the world I’d done, but they forgave me too, wiping tears from their eyes.  Amazingly, I was no longer aware of Byron’s presence and spoke freely to the crowd who enthusiastically received what I had to say.

            God enabled me to forgive my husband for the crime he committed and the shame it caused me but it was many years before I discovered that I was holding that suffering against God.  I had sought the will of God to marry or not, and whom to marry, and blamed God for allowing me to marry a man who could do such a thing.  Quickened by the Holy Spirit in an invitation to search our hearts for things that stood between us and God, I forgave God and praised Him for what I’d learned from my marriage and the ministry I have today because of it.

            There are two things that will enable us to forget about the things we’ve forgiven.  The first is to bless our enemies.  “To you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”  Luke 6:27-28 This is a radical thing that God commands and it will accomplish radical things, first in the one praying and then in the ones prayed for.  One is stunned at the thought of blessing a rapist, a child molester, a murderer, but brothers and sister’s in Christ, that is the only way to be set free from the bondage of the pain we experience.  Hating such people will cause us life-long grief and keep them the destructive people they are.

            We have been taught to intercede for others: God bless Mommy and Daddy, and Grandma and Uncle Ben….”  We continue in adulthood: we ask God’s blessings on our loved ones, the church, crops and farmers, the sick and dying, our favorite politicians, doctors, and teachers.

            Someone has said, “Think of someone you like the least, that is how much you love God.”  This is not meant to make us feel guilty but to see how much we need to grow.  Jesus reminds us that even sinners and tax collectors can love their families and friends.  Your family and friends don’t need prayers nearly as much as those who reject Jesus, who hurt others and who, lead the world to war.

            Pray for difficult in-laws and for the sibling you’ve always resented.  Pray for parents who raised you wrong.  Pray for world leaders, especially those whose politics disagree with yours.  Pray for leaders of foreign governments.  Pray for all Christian groups, as well as Buddhists, Muslims, Zoroastrians, Hindus and Jews.  Pray for terrorists, abortionists, adulterers, pornographers, spouse beaters, polluters of our environment, thieves, liars, loan sharks, prostitutes and members of organized crime.

            There is nothing in the Bible that suggests we can even ask these people to reform.  Instead of prayers for changed behavior your prayers must be prayers of blessing.  You can’t pray for your enemies until you ask God for strength and inspiration.  Then you can forgive all your enemies and God’s enemies as you pray.  Bumper stickers and posters declare, “Prayer changes things”, and it does.  It also changes “the one praying”.

            Don’t pause to concentrate on forgiving anyone during your prayer.  Forgiveness is part of the fruit of the prayer and the blessing.  Both your mouth and your mind are changed by this process.

            You may actually choke the first time you stammer, “God, please bless _____________­­­­­­­­­­­­________.   Bless him as he comes in and as he goes out.  Bless his relationships, his finances, his health, his personal interests, his talents, his gifts, and his family.  Amen.”

Say this prayer out loud.  Just as in Matthew 15:11 we find “It is not what enters one’s mouth that defiles that person, but what comes out of the mouth.” the good words that we speak can actually purify us and make us holier.  A psychologist would call this “repeated auditory reinforcement” because what we hear ourselves saying over and over has a profound effect on our brain.

There are prayers you have said aloud all your life.  In the same manner, your prayers of blessing have to become a part of you.  When you ask God to bless people, you are not asking a faraway God to do some nice thing to an equally faraway enemy.  You’re inviting the Holy Spirit to create a profound change in you, a change that will make you stronger and holier, a change that will connect you through your will and words to another person.

The second thing that will cause you to forget an offense is to treat the person as though nothing has happened.  The first time I tried this was when my landlady didn’t return a rental deposit to me.  It was money that my family desperately needed and I felt that we had left the house the way we found it.  I was angry at first and complained to my sister-in-law about the injustice.  In my head I forgave my landlady but decided I would not take a paper to her to be notarized and pay her even the small $3.00 fee.

At that time I listened to a tape on forgiving and forgetting and saw that if I had forgiven her, I would have her notarize the paper as planned before this incident.  So, acting as if nothing had happened between us, I had her perform the service for me.  A month later, my sister-in-law asked how the problem with my landlady had worked out.  “What problem?” I asked. 

            “The problem with the return of your deposit,” she replied.

            It really worked!  I’d forgotten there had been a problem.  The most exciting thing about this though, was that a few months later when my former landlady was facing the possibility of cancer, she allowed me to pray for her.  The tests came back negative and another bond was formed between us that blessed God.  Don’t let anything block opportunities for ministry.  Forgive, bless, and forget.  You’ll be so glad you did.