ROADBLOCKS TO CREATIVE
AND SPIRITUAL FREEDOM
Dear
Creative Friend,
Oh, my! I know
when I'm on the right track with the leading of the
Spirit when I feel awed, overwhelmed, and more than a
little afraid. There is something about even thinking
about exploring IMAGINATION and CREATIVITY publicly that
terrifies me, because I know I'm opening the doorway to
the awesomeness of God within me and around me, and I
begin to sense the RUSHING MIGHTY WIND. I can
dance around an idea for days....weeks....months...maybe
even years without actually pursuing it. Long within my
heart has lain the thought of pursuing creativity,
gifting, and imagination on these cyber pages, but...I'll
be honest...I'm afraid. What do I fear? Oh, my.
I'm ashamed to even admit it.
First
of all I fear:
BEING JUDGED AND REJECTED: Within
the Christian community, it seems the majority distrust
creativity and imagination. This is SO very sad, because
without imagination, one CANNOT know God. To enter the
King of God, we must have imagination.
Faith
itself is imagination...the substance of things hoped
for, the evidence of things not seen. I believe that the
very ability of the human mind to conceive something is
evidence that it exists, in some form.
To enter the Kingdom of Heaven, one must come as a child.
Some say, "Well, this is about trust. A child has
blind faith." Truly, ask yourself...do you REALLY
know any children who have blind faith? In my experience,
children have more fear than faith. Children are afraid
to jump, because you might not catch them. They have to
overcome fear to do so many things...like climb up the
steps to slide down the BIG slide on the playground, ride
a bike, even go to sleep at night. NO, coming as a child
is NOT about trust, it is about imagination. Imagination
allows a child to accept the possibility of things he has
not experienced, to explore possibilities adults won't
even bother considering, ask questions his parents have
long brushed aside as silly or a waste of time. It is
only by asking, seeking and knocking that we enter into
this experience of God that only the childlike may
embrace.
But so many Christians perceive the Christian life as a
set of rules and are very rooted in the ordinary. They
ultimately distrust the imaginative, creative person who
dares to ask, explore, and express spiritual things in
spiritual ways. Like Mary of Bethany with her flask of
Alabaster, they are ridiculed and denounced as frivolous
and wasteful, and lazy because most find it impossible to
comprehend the beauty and necessity of their creative,
imaginative approach to God and to life.
So many of us creative types live our lives on the
surface, keeping our true, creative selves safely tucked
away in our private journals. The alternative, we have
discovered, is to face scorn and rejection. Oh,
yes...many appreciate a fresh point of view as long as it
does not ask anything of them or call for change in the
way we do things, or require making room for pursuing the
childlike in real and tangible ways. But when a creative
person attempts to bring the reality of their giftings
into the arenas of worship, fellowship or ministry,
suddenly they are labeled as "eccentric",
"impractical", or worse, "pagan & new
age". So, often, the Alabaster box remains
unbroken...or hidden away in a private place to leak away
unnoticed, except by the one who made the sacrifice of
risking the gift.
The rejection of the creative in the church world has led
to a terrible imbalance in the artistic and cultural
media of our day. As the church has failed to cultivate
the creative, the world has taken them up. Those who
would have been the "temple musicians" either
waste away or go where their music will be appreciated.
Those who would lead us "further on and deeper
in" (as C.S. Lewis puts it) are "burned as
witches" or find themselves more accepted among
agnostic seekers. Our movie and TV screens are lit with
occult adventures; only occasionally does the influence
of Christian imagination have expression there. This is
not the fault of the media. It is the fault of the
abdication of the church in the realm of the creative.
There is so much to cover here, it should probably be
another article completely! But on to my second fear:
LONELINESS AND ISOLATION:
This may sound like more of the same. It is the fruit of
rejection. Sadly, the prophet's greatest temptation is
friendship with the wizard, because the wizard is more
open to the spiritual than is the church. The pagan is
more open to creative expression than the Christian. So,
where does that leave the "Marys" and
"Johns" of our day? In the Bible, Jesus said to
Martha that "Mary has chosen the better part."
John, the philosopher and abstract thinker, was the one
who leaned on Jesus' breast at the Last Supper. It was he
who understood and reported "In the beginning was
the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was
God," and was entrusted with the visions of
Revelation! But in the modern church world, the Marys and
Johns are the ones who are least accepted.
Another
thing I fear
is
LOSING
MY WAY:
Because of the rejection, the loneliness, the isolation,
and lack of cultivation in the Christian world, it is
very hard to find trustworthy mentors in the spiritual
and creative realm. If there is no one I can trust who
has walked this way before me, how can I be assured that
I'm not going to wander into paths better left alone?
Yes, C.S. Lewis and George MacDonald were great pastors
for me in my early twenties, but OH! How I longed for
flesh and blood...an audible voice. Oswald Chambers
walked a long way with me, but at one point,
unbelievably, even he left me, because it seems he had
not walked the paths I was asked to walk. Well....he died
young! I'm older now than he ever was. Perhaps if he had
lived longer, he could have been even more help!
I know
I have often drawn back in fear for lack of a human
guide. Perhaps this is good. Perhaps I didn't need to go
where my author friends had not gone. But I feel I have
dragged my feet at times I should have been making
progress.
I am very grateful that I have a wonderful husband who
loves me as I am...for WHO I am. Sometimes he tugs me
back when perhaps he should leave well enough alone, and
the Lord has "scolded" him for this. HOWEVER,
he has been my support and my protector through so much,
giving me the freedom to grow and explore the Kingdom,
but providing the strong voice of reason I could trust as
I faced the unknown of growing creatively and
spiritually.
I have gone through times I have felt (and appeared)
terribly unstable as I have experienced new things and
experimented with obeying when I did not understand. But,
thankfully, I already had a very strong foundation in the
word of God. I have clung to that for dear life! As I
have faced and experienced new things in life, the
scripture continually unfolds, providing a road map into
places I never dreamed existed. When human mentors left
me, the Word of God has been unfailing. (Though I have
failed the word!) In fact, it has taken much courage to
go where the Word would lead me. At times, as I open its
pages, and feel the force of the RUSHING MIGHTY WIND, I
have closed it in fear. This is a book of power and
mystery! However, within its pages lie the keys to life
and safety in walking unknown paths. Without it, your
spiritual journey will prove dangerous, maybe even fatal.
Without its truth within you, your creative expression is
shallow and fruitless. Dedicate yourself to absorbing it,
even when it seems familiar, trite and repetitive to you.
You do not yet understand its full power &
revelation, or it could never bore you.
Speaking of revelation and mystery brings me to the last
fear..
The Fear
of the Unknown. As I grow in spiritual and natural
gifting and understanding, I realize just how BIG and
mysterious God is...how wild and untamable. I hear the
RUSHING MIGHTY WIND of the Spirit...indeed, it seems to
ruffle the very pages of my Bible. I feel the tug of its
power, and fear losing control. At the root of human
nature is the need to be in control of our own lives. The
Spirit of God threatens that. Once unleashed, who know
what HE may do? What will He ask of me? Where will this Mighty
Wind insist upon carrying me? Surely, He will
ask of me things that will inevitably require me facing
judgment, rejection, isolation and lead me in paths I
have not known.
But then, I ask myself, which is worse...crushing the
very life within me to fold myself into the ugly familiar
boxes into which the world demands that I fit, or risking
being set free to ride the wind of the Spirit into
wholeness and fulfillment? Either way, I must die: die to
my true self and live in despair, never belonging; or die
to my fears and let the Holy Breath that fuels my very
life become the RUSHING MIGHTY WIND that will carry me to
my destiny.
Perhaps it seems I have rambled. I probably have. This is
such a difficult subject to cover in an organized way!
The emotions I experience when trying to deal with it are
strong and it's hard to focus on structure and grammar as
I wrestle with these concepts. However, it may be the
signpost you need at this juncture, and I don't think
you'll be too upset to find the paint still wet if you
are longing for direction! So, I must overcome my own
fear...fear of failure, fear of being judged, fear of not
being "perfect", and post this for you to read;
because if I hesitate, I will edit the life out of it,
and there will be no reason left to share it at all.
Now that I've finally taken this plunge, I hope toreturn
again to explore "further on and deeper in" to
the life of creative and spiritual freedom.
Love,
Robyn
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